


The One Where they Pretend to Date

by AetherBunny



Category: Justice League (2017)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Silly, Team Bonding, nothing remotely serious happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:28:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26782933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AetherBunny/pseuds/AetherBunny
Summary: “I think they think you're trying to woo me.” She informed him.“Am I doing a good job? Is it working?” He grinned and batted his eyelashes. Diana rolled her eyes at him. Still they went out to lunch.Barry goes to visit Diana and the ladies in her office think Barry has a crush... so they fake date?I've never seen any of the DCU movies aside from Wonder Woman! This was all just for fun. I had written this years back already. I don't know exactly when, and I don't remember the motivation. So enjoy this silly little fic. It was fun to rediscover!I want to use my spare quarantime to clean out some of my older fics. I did very little editing to the story, only checking for continuity and spelling! I'm just letting past me do her thing.
Relationships: Barry Allen & Diana (Wonder Woman), Barry Allen & Victor Stone, Diana (Wonder Woman) & Victor Stone
Kudos: 28





	The One Where they Pretend to Date

“Mam'selle Prince?”

“Oui?”

“There is a _cute_ young man to see you?” Margaret from the front desk knocked at her door. Diana wasn't sure she liked how the young woman smiled at her.

“Ah, well send him in.” She wasn't expecting anybody, was she? No, her calendar page was empty of meetings.

“Hi.” Ah. There in her doorway rocking on his heels was Barry. “I just um...was in the neighborhood? I don't know why I'm here. Okay, I do know... but it feels silly now. You're like wow! And I'm like eehh.” He started before she could ask him anything.

“It won't be silly, come and sit down.”

“I think I just need some company? Bats isn't one for small talk, and I'm still trying to get over the whole crazy? Thing? We all did. But if you're not into talking either I can go?”

“No, no it's alright. Do you want to get lunch?”

“Okay. I've never had any authentic French food. I do have to warn you I sort of eat a lot. I need the fuel. I'm also broke.”

“Don't worry about it, come on.” she coaxed.

Diana discovered he'd reached out to all of them living above water. He visited Vic more often than the others being closest in age. It was nice to have someone to talk to without having to hide. She saw Napi when it suited him, but he had his own affairs to attend to. Here was someone else _super_ without some sort of agenda other than friendship. It was more than easy to make Barry laugh or smile and that was always welcome.

After that he came to see her once a week. The other women in the department were completely charmed and would coo over him if she wasn't ready for him fast enough. Then when he had gone they'd pester her with personal questions about him.

“I think they think you're trying to woo me.” She informed him.

“Am I doing a good job? Is it working?” He grinned and batted his eyelashes. Diana rolled her eyes at him. Still they went out to lunch.

He upped the ante then, he'd bring her flowers and chocolates and make puppy eyes at her when he thought she wasn't paying attention. The ladies fell hook line and sinker for his lovesick act.

“He's so sweet Diana, don't lead him on and break his heart.”

Oh boy she had to do something about this. Well she had been looking for a little bit of fun anyway.

“Okay, you win,” He just looked at her confused. “I'll be your _girlfriend_.” she made air quotes around the word.

“Yesss, ha ha! Bruce is going to have a cow! I promise I'll be the best fake boyfriend you've ever had!”

So they held hands, and tried to one up each other with sickeningly cute pet names. While she knew dozens of languages he had her in sheer nonsensical creativity. He'd bring cliche little trinkets for her desk and she'd display them accordingly. He made her take a couple of selfies and frame them for her shelf.

“You know, I've never had a fake partner before.” Diana said as she opened the takeout container. He had arrived with Thai food, it was still hot, and she wasn't totally sure it didn't come right from the source.

“Neither have I. I think after all the fancy food you've bought me I might be able to call you a sugar moma too.”

“I'm not quite sure I know that idiom.” She said wiping her mouth with a napkin, maybe to hide a smile.

“Oh boy. Well, basically somebody old and rich has a younger partner they spoil rotten. Usually the age gap is really wide. Uh. Basically somebody gets arm candy and sex, and somebody else gets money and stuff?”

“Are you calling me old?” She squinted at him.

“You? No, never baby. You're just older than _me_. Hey if you're an Amazonian Cougar does that make you a _Jaguar_?”

“I'm not sure I'm _spoiling_ you. I mean if I were you'd know.” She ignored the cat question.

“But we're only fake dating, so you're just a splenda moma?”

“ _A What?_ ”

Barry just giggled at his own joke.

\--

The next time he came by she had a present for him. It was a stunning red leather jacket in just his size.

“WOW, you know I was kidding right? This was completely not necessary at all.”

“Nonsense, I can't have my boy-toy looking like the poor university student he is now can I?” Diana of Themyscira Princess of the Amazons Daughter of Zeus cupped Barry's chin to make kissy faces at him.

“Well thanks, I? Don't know what else to say? Other than please never use that phrase ever again.” He tried in vain to shake off her grip.

“You don't have to say anything. You're doing all of us a lot of good. Besides I like the idea of spoiling something a little bit. It's been a while, and you're just so cute Minou. Don't you want to see Bruce _have a cow_?”

“We're up to two cows now I think, maybe the whole herd! He's going to kick me off the team.”

“He'll have to go through me. Now put your new jacket on and we'll go to that place by the park.”

\---

“Bruce is so mad.” Barry had brought them a couple of pints of ice cream (She wanted to try every Ben and Jerry's she could). It's the least he could do in exchange for the jacket. “He didn't say anything but you could tell. He is **so mad**. I was saved when Vic got there. Thank goodness he has a sense of humor off the clock. We spent the whole time trying not to laugh out loud every time we heard a broody sigh.”

“Let him be mad. I'm not going to go out with him.”

“Why not? He's rich, he's famous, he's like, you know **the** **Batman?** ” He stuck his spoon in his mouth and made little pointy ears with his fingers.

“Barry m _on petit monstre,_ I've been around for thousands of years, I don't need his money. I don't have time for his moods and I could kick him to the moon if I wanted to.”

“Point taken. Still...” He sighed into his pint.

“Don't tell me you're into him?”

“Nooooo?”

“You can't lie to me.”

“Am I not allowed to have a shameful silver fox sugar daddy fantasy? If you're going to have them I think Bruce Wayne is the highest you could aim for?”

“That's fair I suppose. Well he's all yours. Please take him. We'll have to break up of course. I promise I won't cry. Not where you can see me.” She was completely stone faced. He giggled.

“Uhg. I'm so glad you're not a drag.”

–

Diana takes a week at the end of the month to go visit Barry in Gotham.

“Can Vic hang with us too?” He rocks on his heels the same way he did the first time he showed up in her office.”

“Absolutely. The more the merrier. But nobody with 'man' as the last half of their alias is allowed.”

“More than fair.”

-

“You've never seen Star Wars? I can't believe I'm dating a woman who's never seen Star Wars! And everything is wrong with what I just said!” Barry had suggested they catch a late showing of Last Jedi and things had quickly devolved.

“What?” Vic's confusion was drowned out by Diana's response.

“I just haven't had the time!”

“Honeylamb you have nothing BUT TIME! You were there when it first came out! Not like there there but you were around. Weren't you curious?”

_“_ Mon petit caneton -”

“Don't French me now mam'selle! We're going to fix this ASAP!”

“I'm so lost right now.” Vic looked between the two.

“Okay, sorry, hang on. Alright. Tomorrow. My apartment, we're starting a marathon and THEN we're going to see Last Jedi in theaters. All three of us.”

“The women in my department think Barry and I are dating. So we pretend we're dating. We've just gotten used to it. Sorry.” Diana filled Vic in over Barry's frantic googling.

“Oh so that's why Bruce gets extra moody. That explains a lot. That's funny as hell actually.”

“I just want to know the best order to watch them in for maximum impact. You do know the twist right?”

“What twist?”

“I can't believe we've found somebody who doesn't know the Star Wars twist.” Vic looked considerably more excited about their next afternoon. “I didn't think there was anybody left!”

_\--_

“Okay pal, bear with me now.” He put a hand on Vic's shoulder. “We're gonna do it out of order. BUT in an order that makes the emotional journey more of a _journey_. We're going 4,5,1,2,3,6, then 7 You'll have to trust me.”

“I'm gonna trust you, lets do this!” Vic got comfortable on the end of the couch.

“What have I gotten myself into?” Diana was tentatively perched in Barry's second favorite chair.

“Oh Snugglebunny you have no idea.” Barry tipped a screen to better face his collection of seats. Between one and two Diana did make them all get up and take a walk. It was rendered moot when they wound up at a little corner store for more snacks.

“At least get an apple or a banana or something!” She tried to be a good influence. Only Vic took her up on it.

“I don't need to eat as much as before, but I still like to? You know?” he went for a couple of apples. “I just wish my t-shirts wouldn't snag on all the casings.” he tapped his bicep.

“Hm. I'm sure we could design some things around that if you wanted? We have connections.”

“Yeah. But I'm trying to get more used to it. I've got a long way to go. Might as well jump in with both feet you know?”

“My kind of guy.”

“Oh my god you _are_ naked aren't you? You've been naked this _whole time_? Scandalous!” Barry interrupted their nice bonding moment. Diana rolled her eyes and Vic laughed. “Naked!” Barry exclaimed dropping his armful of goodies on the counter. He kept up his usual chatter while the slightly overwhelmed clerk rang them up. “Okay let's get back to that galaxy far far away!”

She never would have believed Barry slept if she hadn't witnessed it herself. Diana had wound up on the couch between them (when she got tired of reaching for licorice), and Barry had made a bit of snuggling up against her. To accommodate him she scooted closer to Vic who, slightly confused, threw his arm over the back of the couch to make room. Embarrassingly she dozed off herself propped against Vic. She was a little less embarrassed when she realized he was asleep too. She stroked through Barry's hair.

“Sorry I'm not more comfortable.” Vic was awake.

“It's alright. You're warm and the hum is very soothing.”

“I'll add white-noise machine to my list of abilities.” Diana heard his smile. “Hey is he still asleep?”

“Mhm.”

“Cool, I'm going to draw something on his face quick.” Vic moved to get up.

“You will absolutely not!” She whisper-shouted, and firmly held Vic in place.

“I will, he got me first! It took like 10 minutes to get the dry erase marker of my chest!”

“He did what to you?”

“He drew on me with a whiteboard marker!” He repeated.

Diana could only sigh.

**Author's Note:**

> I had heard Vic was kind of... less fun ... than his usual personality. That bummed me out, I think I had wanted to give Vic back his sense of humor? I remember watching clips and realizing I had to make Barry quippier?
> 
> Like I said, I have no idea my original motivations.


End file.
